Tag Archives: spirituality

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Abramelin, day 199

Morning rite and noon prayer rite went well.

Today was phone interview, work, more recruiter contacts, and just general Monday whatever.

It also occurred to me how many of my goals could be helped by doing more chakra balancing meditations. Root is so much better than it used to be but could stand more love. I’ve been looking for more avenues of increased manifestation and I think that might grease the gears for me, so to speak. I typically listen to a bunch of subliminal mp3s with sounds of waves and water as I go to sleep that are for each of the chakras, so I made a separate playlist specifically for the ones which need the most amount of help.

Met a friend for dinner whom I haven’t seen in a while. Between job drama, kitty drama, car drama, family drama, Abramelin drama, been pretty separated from the world. Not a bad thing, probably the only way to get a high extrovert into doing so.

Got to get in a brief cuddle with my kitties. It’s wonderful to see my previously sick cat running about like a kitten. She’s also light enough to pick up and cuddle now, and makes the most adorable purrs when I do so.

Grateful.

Evening rite went well.

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Abramelin, day 198

Morning rite and noon prayer rite went well.

Good day of readings, nice to have the opportunity to help others. Took time during my lunch break to get an aura photograph and reading done of me, and whoa.

chakras2

The throat chakra in particular terrifies me, but the third eye one covers my whole face. I blame the Abramelin.

Still exhausted but not as much today as yesterday.

Evening rite went well.

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Abramelin, day 196

My dreams are getting weirder and weirder, even for me. Some of them are absolutely hilarious. Some are downright fucking disturbing. My communications with people both online and off are getting stranger. There are people populating my inbox with a slew of “hi”s that are starting to look like Tourette’s. You’d think no one knows that I’m in the middle of this rite and the rest of my chaotic life and no, I’m not super social right now nor doi I want to be. I can’t blame this on Merc in retro (it’s been going on for WAY too long), I really just think I need to keep my distance from people as much as possible. Good luck with that with both job #1 and job #2, however.

Morning rite and noon prayer rite went well.

I am exhausted. I’ve ordered vitamin D supplements online, I may need to start them early. I’m not sure what else the problem could be. Nothing else about my diet or routine has changed.

Evening rite went well.

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Abramelin, day 195

Morning rite and noon prayer rite went well.

Today was a bit smoother than it’s been. I am hoping despite the apparent insanity that things will work out.

I am exhausted every day. I don’t think that this is good or a good sign. I’m just constantly tired.

Evening rite went well.

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Abramelin, day 194

Morning rite and noon prayer rite went well.

I am now wondering, what if it’s true and that this job will continue to last until Jan? Maybe I do need those couple of months to get my shit together. I still feel like my head’s potentially on the chopping block and I don’t like it.

I’m wiped. I don’t want to have to think anymore. I want several weeks off with pay to just go stare at the ceiling.

Evening rite went well.

 

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Abramelin, day 193

Morning rite and noon prayer rite went well.

Today has gone from “It’s not you, it’s the agency employing you” to “It’s you.” They called my boss and apparently pissed him off and now suddenly it’s a different story than what he originally said. No choice now, I HAVE to look for another job. So much for that reference. Basically since they pay me more than absolutely everyone else there including my boss (which keeps getting mentioned to me like it’s my fault or I should feel guilty about it or something) they expect me to be more “senior” than everyone, absolutely everyone. If I cough it’s a black mark on my record. They never should’ve hired me if they were going to be that resentful of my rate + what the agency charges as overhead and it makes me wonder how low they’re paying everyone else.

So much for getting a break from stress.  I am beginning to wonder if I have some fucked up curse in regards to jobs and employment. I badly want to be self employed and get away from all of this shit, but it’s very hard running a side business while all of this insanity is going on.

I don’t get it. More than six months later I’m still battling the same issues. Have I gotten anywhere at all? Has anything genuinely changed? And all I ever do is getting sucked up into this shit with no time for the shit that really matters. I started this operation with massive, horrible job issues and here I am again, same shit different job. Gods.

I have no idea what to do and I’m running out of options. I can’t live my life the way I’ve been living it, on ANY level, but beyond divine and/or magical intervention I have no idea how to get anything changed.

Evening rite…spent a good chunk of it ranting. Not in a good state right now.

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Abramelin, day 192

Morning rite and noon prayer rite went well.

More purification issues but I think I finally nailed it.

Been spending my time trying to focus on what inspires me. no matter how crazy. Screw it.

Kitties remain healthy and cute. Job sitch, I expect to probably be out of a job by around end of Oct. They’re even bringing someone in for a few months and mentioned him working on my project.  My only desires for this job right now are a) as many paychecks as possible b) a very good recommendation from my boss and for him to continue to be happy with me and c) apt timing for its ending so that I can do the week long invocations to end the Abramelin.

Evening rite went well.

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Abramelin, day 191

Morning and noon rite went well.

Spent today relaxing then went out for a walk to enjoy what is undoubtedly the last day of summer weather AND the last day I will have off for over a month.

Gods help me.

Had a breakthrough today in regards to psychic awareness and the physical world.

Evening was spent doing kitty cuddle movie night featuring South Park and Groundhog Day. We know how to throw a party.

Had a flash of the funniest thing ever as I started the evening rite, and spent a good chunk of the opening giggling until I was laughing until I cried. I am such a Hermes child and wildly inappropriate than that, like comic sans in a resume inappropriate. But it went well.

 

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Abramelin, day 190

Morning and noon rites went well.

Today my cat went in for glucose testing, with great news: she is no longer diabetic. Thank the gods. I still have to dose her food with antibiotics and the potassium supplement and she still has to stay on the special food, but no more shots. This is WONDERFUL.

Got a combination energy healing and massage. Kept getting told how “great” my energy was, finally got asked if I do energy work. Yes, I definitely do. 🙂

Went to my first coven event in ages, really missed everyone. Both this ritual and the next one I’ll be attending are appropriately themed to the Abramelin at this stage and that’s all I’m going to say, and the only people who will get that are the initiates in my coven and others. Anyhoo.

I guess the next stresses on my list will be bouncing between two vastly different jobs while wondering when the main one will end and continuing this operation.

Whee.

I have a MASSIVE headache due to muscle strain in my neck and shoulders. Massive.

And now that I can finally sleep in in the morning I totally will.

Evening rite went well.

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Abramelin, day 189

Morning rite and noon prayer rite went well.

Lots and lots and lots and lots of purification work needed. Lots. Today was a difficult day on many levels. I need both macrocosmic and microcosmic banishing right now. I’m ready to rip out pages of my old GD background and go right to it.

I must be getting close. I wonder if the end date is being decided upon for my job and all that.

Evening rite went well, but I nearly fell asleep beforehand. I am WIPED.