Abramelin, day 128

Morning rite went well. I slept for almost 8 hours straight and woke up still tired.

I almost missed noon rite, and did it later than expected but at least did it in my temple room. Spent a good chunk of the day in the car listening to spiritual dev on audiobook.

Today was fasting and purification bath. Was entirely too happy to end the fast at sunset.

Gaining more insights into the whole spiritual into the material world and the interconnectedness of things, why I must stay in the world for manifestation. It’s a matter of receiving, not projecting. I try too hard.

Evening rite went well.

Abramelin, day 127

I dreamed that I had gained the ability to not only teleport, but travel through time. I began testing it in small increments, being fifteen minutes late to be somewhere, and then teleporting there 30 minutes prior so I would be on time. I wonder if this is related to those stupid trying to make my plane dreams.

Morning rite went well.

Noon prayer rite went well also, and afterwards was a social outing for my new job. I can’t help but think to myself that for some reason, it is VERY important to my HGA to connect with people and be social in a meaningful way. I did learn that I am definitely in a very cool job with some genuinely nice people, and I had a great time. I have higher hopes now that this will work out in the long term.

I am processing a lot right now and still trying to get my thoughts together on all of it, but I feel like I made necessary connections to various things I couldn’t before and in fact struggled with.

Tomorrow I plan to do the fasting and purification stuff. I am strangely looking forward to it.

Evening rite went well.

Abramelin, day 126

Morning rite went well, was up at dawn yet again. I am not getting enough sleep by far, and it needs to stop before my immune system goes to shit. My body has a way of shutting itself down when it’s being put through too much.

Noon prayer rite went well. Afterward I went outside for a walk and dealt with my purification needs/troubles. Some reminders of why I am doing this rite were nice–not that I needed them, but it emphasizes and highlights certain things.

I get that I need to be well rounded and be in the world, “wax on wax off”, and learning to crawl before I can fly. I’ve been through a lot, gained a lot, throughout this experience. But I am painfully aware that I have a LONG way to go and I can’t see myself obtaining K&C in two months’ time. I’m sure a lot can happen in 2 months, but I am at this stage both skeptical and pessimistic.

Evening rite went…okay, but there was a fair amount of ranting. I am frustrated. I am not ungrateful to be where I’m at, but I am painfully aware of how much further I have to go, and it’s quite a long way.

 

Abramelin, day 125

Morning rite went well, but I struggled to get in there. I’m having a VERY hard time waking up and staying awake this week. I’m guessing it’s the new schedule and my body finally saying “no more” to the interrupted sleep and the not enough sleep.

Noon prayer rite went fine.

Job stuff seems to be going well. I work with very nice people so far. The test will be, of course, time.

Still need a fuckton of purification and cleansing. Holy hell.

Evening rite went well.

Abramelin, day 124

Morning rite went well, but the interrupted sleep is not doing me any favors.  I am going to have to get to bed much, much earlier to combat this.

Noontime prayer rite went fine, went for walk outside after.

I am badly in need of increased purification; for whatever reason I am back on radar again. I must be making significant progress. I just love pissing off all the right people/forces! Mini purification cleansing in the shower, but it’s not enough.

New job continues to be sane. I hope this trend continues.

Evening rite went well. Gods help me.

Abramelin, day 123

Up before dawn, so morning rite went well.

Today was my first day at the new job. So far I have discovered that they are incredibly work from home friendly, the commute is a bit long for my tastes, but great for personal development audiobooks, and the people are nice. There’s even a BBQ for half a day this Friday and alcohol in the fridge, so they don’t seem terribly uptight. A bit on the quiet side, but that’s great for just sinking back into phase three and getting my crap done.

There’s also a small shower room in the bathroom. You get in, and according to the compass app on my phone, it faces east. Perfect for visiting at noon for the prayer/rite.

Evening rite went well. I thought of how taxed I feel right now, maybe needing to find a way to work smarter, not harder. Perhaps by doing one thing on my list it’ll knock off most of the items, a keystone step if you will. As I did, I turned to look at Hermes’ statue, and I swear I saw him sticking his tongue out at me.

Of course, that’s probably what the Abramelin rite is supposed to be doing…not sticking its tongue out at me, but being the keystone that unlocks other things so I spend less time running around trying to do a ton of shit.

Abramelin, day 122

I awoke from one of my numerous “I’m trying to get to my damned flight” dreams where the guy who was driving me to the airport was taking forever, had me waiting instead at a T stop, and I was about to miss the flight. I was frustrated, freaking out, and wondering if I had the money to get on a later flight if they charged me. I am wondering where that guy was trying to take me and am wondering if I was being detoured from the plane ride into a slightly longer but better route. I’ve had these stupid plane dreams for years now; I know what they’re about but this latest one has me puzzled.

Morning rite went well.

I almost lost track of time; Sundays will do that to you. I got to my rite around a quarter after noon.

Today needs to be “workouts and laundry day”, but my body is having none of it. My energy levels are much lower than usual and my stomach is bothering me. I’d blame last night’s dinner but I was a bit off yesterday too. I honestly blame the joys of hormones. I spent most of the day lying in bed. I guess this is once again the Powers That Be forcing me to slow the fuck down. I got some food in me and did a workout later on at night, but it wasn’t what I would’ve preferred.

I was “directed” (I put that in quotes) from either my HGA or one of my deities, not entirely sure which, to get No Ordinary Moments on Kindle. One of the first things it covered was the idea that your work, family, etc is ALL a part of your “spiritual life” and struggles in such can help you grow on all levels. This is essentially the idea I’ve come into this rite with; the idea that I didn’t need to totally remove myself into some far off, secluded wilderness in order to do this rite and that barely anyone could do it in the 21st century unless they were self employed, financially independent, unemployed by choice or force, etc. Knowing how my normal 9-5 jobs go, it will probably be seclusion enough. Few jobs are more introverted than software development.

First day back tomorrow, I am overwhelmed. I hope this works out. This better work out.

Evening rite went well.

 

On Adeptship

The discussion has been brought up on The Great Work list: “what level of adeptship do we feel ourselves to be”? I wound up writing an email long enough that I figured it belonged as a blog post.

Before you can delve into determining level of adeptship, you first must answer the question of what an adept is.

If we’re talking about the general term, the literal dictionary term means “Someone who is skilled or proficient at something”. If we get into certain occult traditions, the term becomes far, far more loaded. I’m going to approach it from the literal dictionary definition and not press forward on any one tradition.
We become adept at something or an adept through years of study, practice, and experience. We are not likely to get there overnight, and the idea that this can be brought to us in an instant through an initiation is actually absurd. It’s akin to saying that merely giving me a college diploma gives me all of the knowledge I need when in fact it’s just an acknowledgement of the work I’ve already done. All an initiation can do for you is just that, simply acknowledge what you have already done, and bring you to the next level that you may realize just how much of a neophyte you still are on the path. Life doesn’t end after graduation.
I am adept at Usui Reiki and various other Reiki traditions because I have studied, practiced, and experienced them for years. I am adept at divination, particularly tarot, for the same reason. I am adept in the Golden Dawn tradition for also the same reason. I can claim the same for computer programming, particularly C# and .NET development.
The idea of mastering something, whether it be a craft, tradition, or any one skill, comes through focus and perseverance. It does not imply perfection, nor does it mean you have nothing left to learn. I’ve spent a decade or more in any of the above that I listed, and never once have I felt that there was a stopping point; perhaps a desire to focus on another tradition or move on, but in any of them I have the capacity to teach and transfer information.
It’s interesting; right now I’m in the process of transferring out of the IT industry into a completely different career, and after my time in the Golden Dawn I went onto other things. I don’t think it’s unusual once you’ve gained a particular skill that what you’ve learned from it is something which guides you into another direction. I still engage in Golden Dawn related discussions and talk with people in the tradition all the time, and much of my knowledge and experiences I’ve gained from it continue to benefit me in day to day life.
At present, I am eyeballs deep in the Abramelin rite. Various traditions stress the importance of doing this once you’ve reached the level of adeptness, and yet it’s something you can do even as a neophyte. I do think however like all forms of personal development that doing any one thing is easier once you’ve already done a good deal of personal work.
A huge part of mastery is self-mastery, and even in business people stress the idea of doing personal development and growth. The most invaluable thing about the Golden Dawn, IMHO, is its elemental alchemy which provides a basis for doing just that. People who race through the grades like people collecting Girl/Boy Scout badges miss the boat entirely, and are depriving themselves of the most powerful aspect that particular tradition has to offer. I cannot stress its importance enough. It is far, far more important than all of the memorization and ritual that the grades have to offer, and will make you into a much more magically efficacious magician.

Abramelin, day 121

Morning rite went well. Noontime I had to do prayers in the car, they felt sloppy and distracted. It’s REALLY hard to do this away from home and my temple room, but I have to find a way to do this mindfully and without distraction. Maybe I can escape outdoors when at my new job or even to the restroom or something, but it has to be done mindfully or there’s no point.

Yesterday was a strange day. I spent most of it in a seminar for my business, and the rest was at home, working with clients and reading up on personal development. In the evening I took a break for myself to watch tv and play games.

I am badly in need of more patience with myself; my anxiety and frustration over my current circumstances is beginning to leak all over everything. I gotta to rein my focus in a bit.

Evening rite went well.

Abramelin, day 120

I sometimes wonder if in my next life, I will be reborn as a millennial. A much younger Millennial. But I’m one of those generational cuspies, and here I am.

Morning rite went well. Doing it at dawn seems to be the going thing right now along with doing it at sunset. As for noon…no idea how to handle that once I start work. I think I will be doing some sort of prayer/meditation and work at it from there.

My side business is taking off to ridiculous amounts now. As a gesture of goodwill and gratitude, I’ve signed myself up for another regular charity donation towards a cause I support. It’s well timed with the upcoming job, the phase I’m in, and everything. I feel good about it.

I seem to be thinking “Gods help me” a lot lately, but it’s how I feel. Shit’s getting overwhelming.

I think during my last week of this rite, I will save my posts as drafts and go into radio silence. I may make them public or publish them as part of a greater essay. So many thoughts throughout this rite. I try to communicate them but this “I” gets in the way. I am getting in my own way. I don’t think I can communicate them, really. Not yet.

I strive to be worthy of my Holy Guardian Angel.

Evening rite went well.