Tag Archives: self improvement

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Abramelin, day 138

Morning rite went well. I did not sleep very well, I woke up around dawn and didn’t get to go back to sleep.

The issue I raised in my previous entry has been resolved. I decided to go public and just be honest about what happened and why I chose to abandon the group. I need to start listening to my gut instinct about people and stop with the “benefit of the doubt” nonsense and questioning my feelings over and over again with the idea that I must somehow be wrong about people and that I’m condemning them with no proof. I don’t have to blacklist people I feel that way about but I really need to be more careful in the future. I try to hard to see the best in people and be openminded and sometimes it comes to bite me in the butt. I am truly an idealistic pessimist. I did not want to see this person as ugly as they are, but…there you have it.

No one can say I didn’t try.

Noon prayer rite went well, did my usual walk. I needed to get out and be alone for a bit, think about everything and whether or not I approached things the right way, and what to do for the next time. Honestly, my only takeaway from all of this is to trust myself more on my instincts about people. I try and fail to recall any time I’ve been wrong in that regard.

I’ve decided to stop stressing about the end date. If I’m ready by September, I am. If I’m not ready until Nov, Jan, March, whatever, I don’t care. It’s about the journey and I need to focus on that. If I’m meant to take a week off at some date I’m sure I’ll get some sort of notification or instinct to do so in advance so I can take it off from work.

I feel so much better now in so many respects. My conscience is clear on the drama issue and I feel a lot better about when this rite will be completed. I don’t want to feel rushed nor do I want to drag my heels. It’s about the process. I’ll be done baking when I’m done baking.

Evening rite went well. I am filled with immense gratitude at how different things are now versus before I started this rite in ways I can’t even begin to get into. I will be fine. Everything will be fine.

 

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Abramelin, day 137

Morning rite went well, but getting up was once again a struggle.

I am thinking if I do not receive a clear indication one way or another, I will continue the rite until March. I will continue praying for a clear answer. I am not in a hurry; I am done baking when I am done baking. It’s all in the hands of the gods now.

Noon prayer rite went well, got to go for my walk also.

I have a bit of a moral and ethical dilemma right now that I’d rather not get into on any public entry because of the amount of drama it would cause should it get to certain people. And I also don’t know what to do about it. This is one of those situations where I gave the benefit of the doubt and hoped weird feelings were paranoia, but they aren’t. I may have to find a way to bow out of something gracefully but clearly, and unfortunately I see no way to do that without literally hundreds of people realizing something weird is up.

Gods, what a mess.

Evening rite went well. I prayed for guidance and wisdom.

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Abramelin, day 136

Morning rite went well, but getting up was a struggle. I am exhausted. I suspect it’s due to much needed water. Downed some and was doing better.

Noon rite went well. Did it after my shower and purification bath.

The family drama is intensifying, and I’m resisting any and all attempts to drag me in. It’s VERY concerning, end of life issues for my last remaining grandparent and its impact on everyone else and all of the related problems. By the gods, I have enough going on as is. I am worried about my mom and my grandma–deeply worried–but there is literally nothing I can do but pray and send Reiki. Literally.

I very much want to dive deeply into the world and all its magic, and I have no idea how to do that with what I have at present in my life.

I lament to my gods that I didn’t win the lottery in lieu of a full time job. I very much like the people I am working with and it takes the pressure off of me as far as finances go, but I am so worried on its impact on the operation, especially in regards to needing to know a month in advance when the end of this operation will be so I can take that week off.

Stress. Stress. More stress. I need to continue marinating in lavender.

Evening rite went okay, but noticed I still have more work to do. A lot more.

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Abramelin, day 135

Morning rite went well, managed to of course wake up with the dawn.

Got my errands done then my noon rite.

Lammas ritual that evening. Lots of people. Very chaotic, loud. Not bad, just high volume. It bordered on being too much. I did have a good time however. I got to listen to my audiobook to and from there.

I’m trying to absorb as much as possible and try not to feel like life is all too fleeting.

Evening rite went well.

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Abramelin, day 134

Morning rite went well, and afterwards I was up for the day. It got me to work earlier, so I got to leave earlier. Even better!

Noon prayer rite went well also.

I have a lot on my mind. The audiobook, a movie I saw recently…there’s some very interesting synchronicity going on, and I have a lot to ponder in regards to magic and manifestation.

Tonight I wound up doing for the second time a tarot-less reading. Apparently a prayer to Apollo was all that was needed, an intense burst of energy shot down onto the top of my head, straight through my body…shit was intense, I’m still high. It went on from there. If I had been wondering how the Abramelin has been affecting my psychic ability, I guess I don’t need to wonder or worry too much anymore.

Evening rite went well. Holy hell, I am still incredibly high and a bit dizzy.

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Abramelin, day 133

Morning rite went well. Managed to do it right around dawn, head back to bed, then get up in time for 30 min of cardio.

Noon rite went well. Work was a bit more slow than usual, many people working from home or out today. I got to get my walk during lunch, yoga when I returned home from work.

The workouts, walks, and audiobooks in the car are assisting with what is an increasingly stressful situation. I am now trying to balance a very long day with downtime, and I’m back to the “working two jobs” between the full time job and the side business. I got VPN to work on my laptop and I am hoping a bit further down the road I can work from home once a week on a semi-regular basis; that would help me out a great deal. I feel stretched a bit too thin right now. At any rate, it’s keeping me away from being overly social; something which at this stage is probably good for me.

Evening rite went well. I have realized, however, what I have been craving for so long: freedom. I am living under too many restrictions with the new job right now, and unless a compromise is made I have no idea what I will do.

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Abramelin, day 132

Morning rite went well, but I barely managed to get up for it. Did some cardio before I left for work.

Noon prayer rite went well, went for walk with my boss after. He seems pretty cool.

I’m realizing more and more that I need to be far, far better with time management with the changed schedule. Free time passes before I know it. I got dinner and my workout for the day done, and tried to do as much as possible before I relaxed for the rest of the evening.

I’ve been listening to audiobooks from Dr Wayne Dyer during my commute to and from work. I REALLY like him. Wishes Fulfilled I think was written for everyone doing the Abramelin.

Evening rite went well. I addressed some anxieties and felt much better after.

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Abramelin, day 131

Morning rite went well, and I was entirely too glad to do it. I have some water I’ve blessed in honor of Apollo sitting on his altar in there, and it comes in handy, it really does. More really screwed up dreams, really screwed up. Purification is a must. It has to be a constant at this point. Purification and potentially banishing.

Noon prayer rite went well, and my walk after did me good. I must remember to put my energies where they will best help me and others versus giving it to leeches, psychic vampires, parasites, and the unbalanced. I also must remember that I’m on a quest not to shut the world out but to let it in, because it’s the only way I’m going to achieve true manifestation.

More family drama, some of it spilling over me but I’m still in the calm of the storm.

I am learning that obstacles and the downers are reminders; even they can push you forward and remind you of what you’re up against and why. It’s beyond freeing to realize this. I keep on going.

Evening rite went well.

 

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Abramelin, day 130

Morning rite went well.

I am slowly integrating everything together: the job, the new schedule, the physical fitness, the meditation, etc. I take advantage of the car drive to listen to good audiobooks on personal and spiritual development. I still have concerns on taking a week off from work but it sounds like I have a cool enough boss to get away with it. I cannot get away with two weeks, however, and my reasons are financial: since I am a contractor, I won’t get paid. I’d miss half a month’s worth of pay. Just can’t do it. At least with the side business I can horde money away in the meantime and see if I can do some overtime in the weeks before and after to make up for it.

Noon prayer rite went well, did my usual walk after.

I feel a lot calmer these days, a lot more content. I’m not without my stresses, but I’ve found going with the flow is a lot easier than freaking out.

Evening rite went well.

 

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Abramelin, day 129

I woke up at dawn on the dot, so I managed to get enough water in me to think straight in order to do the morning rite. Went well.

I had a very strange, very vivid dream afterward which was entirely on the astral, knew I was dreaming, etc. Some of those purification issues have come up again. Interesting.

Noon rite went well, but was delayed by quite a bit due to a two hour call with my mom. The amount of family drama that has been going on has been escalating to daytime tv drama levels. I am now physically and mentally in pain; I need a hot bath and a glass of wine, but Abramelin. I could do just the hot bath maybe with some kombucha from Whole Foods? Tea? Yes, tea.

My mom reminded me of someone whom I was very good friends with in high school and lost touch with them sometime while I was in college. Found him on LinkedIn, and he’s local to me. Small, weird world I live in.

And today I get an invite to be one of the admins of a page called Pythia, do oracles on behalf of Apollo. This is the second Apollo priestess related thing I’ve been invited to join in the past few weeks that can transform into a Big Deal. Apollo is the god I’ve gone on a divinatory/psychic path for; I’ve always had gifts in that respect and after he came into my life, that path became very much associated with him. Moments after I invite several people to like the page, I got a comment from someone that both touched and overwhelmed me. It may have been the best compliment I’ve received in a very long time.

I also finally got the laundry done.

Evening rite went well.