Tag Archives: self improvement

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Abramelin, day 179

WOW. Another one of those incredibly powerful astral type dreams. No details but…holy shit.

Morning rite and noon prayer rite went well.

Very, very stressed. I don’t need just a purification bath at this point; I need an entire purification weekend. Or week.

Family in town helping out until Friday.

Gods I need a break. Everything is doing totally batshit in my life on all fronts. The only downtime I get is when I sleep or get to cuddle my cats.

I found a place online that may be able to make me a custom almond wand.

Evening rite went well.

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Abramelin, day 178

Morning rite and noon prayer rite went well.

I am acutely aware of how much stress I have going on. Some of it I have channeled into humor vs ranting. It helped a lot. I hope to continue the trend.

I feel like most of what I do is work, sleep, eat, workout, and kitties. I feel like I’ve fallen behind in being able to focus on the things I needed to focus on in order to properly get myself in the mindset of this rite. I don’t know how much of this is by design, by accident, based on alchemy, or what.

Family in town again to help out. I hate needing to rely so much on others during this time but my life has really took a huge dump on me.

Evening rite went well.

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Abramelin, day 177

Morning rite went well.

Things are starting to take on that surreal quality again. I don’t know my life anymore. Autumn is coming.

Not looking forward to interviews and bullshit but am looking forward to getting out of this job.

Lacking on sleep today. Not good.

Evening rite went well.

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Abramelin, day 176

Morning rite went well.

I feel somewhat less stressed and a bit relieved. I saw the job thing going south as of that hideous meeting/design review some weeks ago with my boss’ boss who was a total asshole to me and the other new person. And the commute’s the worst I’ve ever had and that’s saying something. I’m looking forward to being someplace far better.

I didn’t get much done today, but the weather was just crappy. Good day for tea and kitty cuddles. My father will be in town again to help out with the kitty vet appointment and my car’s getting appraised on Monday so I know what the damage cost will be for repair.

Things are kinda snowballing and I need a bit of a break.

Evening rite went well.

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Abramelin, day 175

Morning rite and noon prayer rite both went well.

I had it all but confirmed for me today; my boss told me the reason for the aggressive deadline on my project is that it’s expensive to have me. It’s not me, it’s the agency fee. I don’t see them converting me to perm or being able to afford me perm either. I’m pretty sure now I’m not going to have this job after Oct.

I’m both relieved and stressed. Fun, huh?

Well, if I’m right then the completion of this rite will coincide nicely with Samhain.

In the meantime, my cat is doing very well. One more week of oral meds plus a checkup.

Evening rite went well.

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Abramelin, day 174

Morning rite and noon prayer rite both went well, walk afterward.

I am beyond fried, barely motivated, and just holding on. I can’t quite put into words how I feel beyond feeling stretched tighter than a rubber band. I feel like I’ve read it all, meditated on it all…I’m just exhausted.

I’m probably overdue on purifications but I don’t have any sense or feeling on how much they’ll help. Right now I’m just going through the motions and hoping to make a number of breakthroughs to get me to where I need to be.

Evening rite went well.

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Abramelin, day 173

Morning rite and noon prayer rite both went well.

Still dealing with lots of stress and taking one day at a time. Kitties are doing fine at least.

The problem with having so much to deal with is that it’s very…scattering. Maintaining focus is hard. I see now why the Abramelin wants you as far away from the usual day to day nonsense as possible. Because of this rite, you have a LOT of internal stuff to process and changes to integrate. It is subtle and it doesn’t happen all at once, but you still need to take the time to do it. Running around to work, to run errands, to do this, to do that…you lack that time, and the stress just increases at a result.

I am now more certain than ever that the close of this rite will be when this job is over.

“Send Me An Angel” still stuck in my head.

Evening rite went well.

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Abramelin, day 172

Morning rite went well, as did noon prayer rite. Walk after.

I don’t recall my dreams last night; I went to sleep VERY early and slept through almost the entire night straight.

They want me done with my current project at work by mid-Oct, originally slated as being “a bit too aggressive”. Now suddenly it isn’t. I don’t feel good about this change, and I’m wondering if I’ll be out of a job come November.

My cats continue to be okay, and the dear lil diabetic one is handling her shots VERY well. The oral meds, not so much. I adjusted my work schedule to compensate so I’ll have more than enough time in the morning to work out, take care of her, and get my shit together.

I’ve been losing weight and not on purpose. I swear I’m eating but I’m just too stressed to eat at normal levels. I’m hoping with the increased workouts in the morning it’ll increase my appetite and this won’t be a problem.

I’m fried. Totally fried.

Evening rite went well.

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Abramelin, day 171

Woke up in the middle of the night from an intense dream–at least I think it was a dream–where I had astrally projected into my living room downstairs. It was VERY vivid, and I knew immediately that I was “awake” and on the astral. Initially I panicked but then I saw this super tall, white glowing figure in the center of my living room. He radiated calm and everything around me glowed with a sense of joy. I didn’t feel joy but I saw joy. Very hard to describe. Everything was light, and everything was good.

I didn’t get much sleep after that as it took me forever to get back to sleep. My mind was just racing.

Morning rite went well, as did noon prayer rite.

I keep thinking about the astral projection/dream. Real Life’s “Send Me An Angel” keeps playing in my head. I’m running on very little sleep and had just enough energy to get work done, get home, and cuddle with kitties.

Evening rite went well.

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Abramelin, day 170

Both morning and noon rites went well.

When I take stock of my current situation, I’m painfully aware of why my stress levels are where they’re at:

  1. My grandmother was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s.
  2. One of my kitties almost died on me and now needs twice a day insulin shots for her diabetes.
  3. Work drama may cost me my job down the road.
  4. A major storm did enough damage to my car last night that it will need to go into the shop. I’m just lucky that it fell in such a  way that my car didn’t get totaled.

And this isn’t even remotely touching the rite and everything connected to it.

I need to become self employed, gods help me. But most importantly, I need to accomplish what I set out to do and why I decided to do this rite to begin with. And I need to not confuse related matters with it and get shit tangled up in such a way that it becomes that much more intense.

More than a little overwhelmed right now.

Evening rite went well.