“Tainted Greek (polytheism)”
AKA Ode to The Long-time Suffering of People Who Want “One Proper Hellenism”

(With apologies to Soft Cell!)

—-

Sometimes I feel I’ve got to
Hellenesplain I’ve got to
Moan and complain about the lack of universality
The gods we share
Don’t have the same customs everywhere
And I’ve lost my Walter Burkert book
Want proper piety and purity but neither wherever I look

Once I came to this practice (I practice)
Now I’m out of practice
This tainted Greek you’ve given
I give you all a Hellenist could give you
Take my miasma and that’s not nearly all
Oh tainted Greek
Tainted Greek

Now I know I’ve got to
Achieve arete, I’ve got to
Explain Hekate
I really want my Hellenic purity
To make rituals right
You need to go on the internet and fight
Should mind my business, practice, and pray
But I’m sorry I don’t pray that way

Once I found my muse (I found)
Now I’m not amused
This tainted Greek you’ve given
I give you all a Hellenist could give you
Take my hubris and that’s not nearly all
Oh tainted Greek
Tainted Greek

Don’t talk to me about history
I cannot stand the lack of purity
I want you even though you don’t exist
Now I’ve got to actually research the stuff I missed
Tainted Greek, tainted Greek
Tainted Greek, tainted Greek
Libate maybe, tainted Greek
Off’rings maybe, tainted Greek
Tainted Greek
Tainted Greek
Tainted Greek