Morning rite went well. I worked from home and spent my day job hunting and working out. I have a lot on my mind: where am I going and what am I doing wrong that certain stresses keep happening to me? I’ve done my best to examine the situation from all sides. I know I need to leave IT at some point but if I’m not earning enough income on my secondary jobs/careers to do that, how can I?

I need to do a lot of Jupiter and Mercury work, and start getting creative.

My energy levels despite the workouts were non-existent. I kept nodding off in the afternoon. I don’t know why I’m so drained today.

Attended a chat at night for Dionysos contemplation and discussion, and then bedtime.

Evening rite went well.

Morning rite went well. I am again on yet another day of trying to integrate new workout program with new Abramelin phase in addition to everything else and ye gods.

Today’s theme was “People who demand too much of me and my time” along with “Creepy fucked up sort of attention on social media the likes of which I’ve never seen demonstrated elsewhere”. It’s not a good combo. It makes me want to flee the Internet. My parents are driving me nuts. Work is driving me nuts. Certain people online are driving me nuts. It’s not good.

I did not get enough sleep. I can barely brain. This isn’t helping.

I sometimes wonder if the reason why I get too many people demanding too much of me is because I also demand too much of myself.

Evening rite went okay.

Morning rite went well. My fun of attempting to fit in at least an hour of some form of spiritual contemplation with a workout schedule begins. I am wondering if there’s some way I can combine the two. For great justice. Because seriously, I’m not sure how to get in a normal work schedule, a workout schedule, and AHHHHH. Taking suggestions and ideas. Workouts range between 30-60 minutes a day and I do workout DVDs. I’m on a semi-set schedule. I think I need to work from home most mornings, do the workouts then, then get into work late, etc. I’ll figure it out. I gotta. To my credit, I got some reading in while eating dinner. I think finding those two hours per day for contemplation after dinner will be my biggest struggle. If I get in an hour I will call it awesome and progress. Maybe if I do a little here, a little there, spread it out…I can get there.

Today was a mixture of frustration and adjustment. Very up and down mood-wise. I am definitely still recharging from the charity walk and really could’ve had a day off today. Fortunately I DO get off early on Friday and have off next Monday, so I thank the gods for the little things. The workouts did help.

I did not get the job I applied for, but I’m looking at it as an opportunity to think very hard about what sort of opportunity will get me towards the goals I have set out for myself.

Evening rite went well. I am left with the lingering feeling that I’m missing something or something is not quite right. I can’t tell if it’s because I’m still worn out from this weekend, I’m expecting too much, or what. Something is off. What am I missing? Ugh.

Morning rite went well. Today was a bit of a blur, owing to the lengthy walk and exhaustion. I find myself questioning and second guessing a lot of things. I know I am lacking in sleep and it’s making things fuzzy. I know that I need to be better prepared for things and treat myself better, but have no idea on how to go about doing that. For some reason I just can’t shake the notion that I’m either swinging in the direction of being the biggest screw up or just plain trying too hard. I need that middle ground, and I have no idea where to find it.

Evening rite went well. My daily meditations and contemplation will be done before I fall asleep tonight.

Morning rite went okay. The charity walk was wonderful…until I wound up in medical for two and a half hours with dehydration. One IV and two bags of liquid later was doing much better.

I have no idea what happened but it was a hot day and apparently my body needed downtime. I think the message is, “You can accomplish the things you want IF you prepare and take care of yourself.”

Evening rite went well.

Morning rite went well. Shortly after I woke up, the words flashed in my mind: “Abramelin, phase two. First thing. Now.” So I did the washing of my hands and face, and got myself into my temple room before even checking work email. That’s a HUGE shift, one I hope to continue.

More people from other cultish orders seeking me out. I can’t call this a coincidence, and I wonder how word got around that I am the rescuer of people suffering from occult abuse in the name of spiritual advancement.

This is where I feel like sticking snarky animated gifs of Castiel in my posts.

For my devotional reading, I’ve found a ton of wonderful books on Kindle written by modern day Hellenic polytheists. Beautiful prayers, devotionals, and a fantastic book on the Delphic Maxims. These will definitely assist me. Also had a nice opportunity to attend a webinar with some of the authors in the HGA book that came out recently tonight. There are no coincidences.

Evening rite went okay. I am not 100% pleased with it due to a lot of distractions, being exhausted, etc but it’s sincere and I’m going to go with that. Tomorrow is another day, gods help me.