Morning rite went well. I felt okay enough to do the rite in the temple room as usual, but food is a joke.
Noon rite performed, although I was so spacey I almost forgot. Noon became later than that, but it was kept to.
I got much better as the day went on, and had a meal for dinner. Even got something of a purification bathing in. I am hoping to be 100% tomorrow given I have to get my ass into work.
Evening rite went well.
Morning rite went okay, but today rituals were done in bed. I am definitely decidedly sick, high fever and everything.
Did noon prayer rite once I stopped dozing. All of my plans today are totally buh-bye. I think this is my body’s–and perhaps HGA’s–way of slowing me the fuck down.
Felt well enough later to eat some food and get into the temple room for the evening rite, but this day was shot. Forced purification the uncomfortable way. Don’t recommend this form of cleansing.
Morning rite went well. Finally slept through the night; no idea what the hell was going on with me that I wasn’t.
Noon prayer rite went well, walk afterward. I’m feeling better, calmer.
Not surprising news about my grandmother, she’s got Alzheimer’s. My last surviving grandparent and not a fun diagnosis. Much family drama, like dealing with what amounts to a death sentence for a relative isn’t bad enough. I sincerely hope that she does not go anytime soon; I’ve had enough deaths for this year, thank you.
Not feeling well, evening rite went okay but I was drained beyond being drained.
I did the math, and I appear to be officially a month away from being two months into phase three AKA the six month mark. I do NOT see me being remotely ready by then unless a miracle occurs. This shouldn’t stress me out, but it kind of does. I also need to remember the hurdles I had to get over, most of which were taken care of in phase one. Willing to guess I will need another 1-2 months, possibly a bit more. We will see. All up to the gods at this point.
Morning rite went well, but I am once again lacking on sleep and it is taking its toll. Work is better today. I am less stressed about that, at least.
Noon prayer rite went well, walk afterwards.
I am thankful for the drive to and from work; it forces me to listen to audiobooks which are useful to me and is part of my spiritual contemplation time.
I have lost my sense of peace these past few days; family drama, Hellenic pagan community drama, and work drama has not done me any favors. The first two really don’t concern me and I can stay out of it, but the last one affects my wallet. I have to stay above water, but I also have to keep my focus where it belongs.
Evening rite went well.
Morning rite went well, but I more or less slept in, barely made it to work. I am not sleeping well still. Heading to bed early tonight for sure.
Noon prayer rite went well, walk outside after.
Work today was…frustrating. I have discovered that my boss’ boss’ favorite thing to do is to repeatedly interrupt, question, and get antagonistic during design meetings with the idea of “thinking things through”. He even claimed certain things were stated on day one which weren’t, which my co-worker confirmed. You can’t have it both ways; I can’t be told that the design is all up to us and yet be told everything we are doing is wrong and have it questioned five million ways to sunset in an argumentative fashion which helps no one. My doubts on this working out long term have now increased. Going to grin and bear the bullshit as long as I can, but if this is how work gets done at this place I absolutely cannot work like this.
Evening rite went well. I went to bed, hoping to get some sleep so I can think on this more clearly, but woke up incredibly pissed off. This is the third night in a row I’m losing sleep for various reasons, and I can’t see this doing good things for me.
Morning rite went well. I did not sleep very well, I woke up around dawn and didn’t get to go back to sleep.
The issue I raised in my previous entry has been resolved. I decided to go public and just be honest about what happened and why I chose to abandon the group. I need to start listening to my gut instinct about people and stop with the “benefit of the doubt” nonsense and questioning my feelings over and over again with the idea that I must somehow be wrong about people and that I’m condemning them with no proof. I don’t have to blacklist people I feel that way about but I really need to be more careful in the future. I try to hard to see the best in people and be openminded and sometimes it comes to bite me in the butt. I am truly an idealistic pessimist. I did not want to see this person as ugly as they are, but…there you have it.
No one can say I didn’t try.
Noon prayer rite went well, did my usual walk. I needed to get out and be alone for a bit, think about everything and whether or not I approached things the right way, and what to do for the next time. Honestly, my only takeaway from all of this is to trust myself more on my instincts about people. I try and fail to recall any time I’ve been wrong in that regard.
I’ve decided to stop stressing about the end date. If I’m ready by September, I am. If I’m not ready until Nov, Jan, March, whatever, I don’t care. It’s about the journey and I need to focus on that. If I’m meant to take a week off at some date I’m sure I’ll get some sort of notification or instinct to do so in advance so I can take it off from work.
I feel so much better now in so many respects. My conscience is clear on the drama issue and I feel a lot better about when this rite will be completed. I don’t want to feel rushed nor do I want to drag my heels. It’s about the process. I’ll be done baking when I’m done baking.
Evening rite went well. I am filled with immense gratitude at how different things are now versus before I started this rite in ways I can’t even begin to get into. I will be fine. Everything will be fine.
Morning rite went well, but getting up was once again a struggle.
I am thinking if I do not receive a clear indication one way or another, I will continue the rite until March. I will continue praying for a clear answer. I am not in a hurry; I am done baking when I am done baking. It’s all in the hands of the gods now.
Noon prayer rite went well, got to go for my walk also.
I have a bit of a moral and ethical dilemma right now that I’d rather not get into on any public entry because of the amount of drama it would cause should it get to certain people. And I also don’t know what to do about it. This is one of those situations where I gave the benefit of the doubt and hoped weird feelings were paranoia, but they aren’t. I may have to find a way to bow out of something gracefully but clearly, and unfortunately I see no way to do that without literally hundreds of people realizing something weird is up.
Gods, what a mess.
Evening rite went well. I prayed for guidance and wisdom.
Morning rite went well, but getting up was a struggle. I am exhausted. I suspect it’s due to much needed water. Downed some and was doing better.
Noon rite went well. Did it after my shower and purification bath.
The family drama is intensifying, and I’m resisting any and all attempts to drag me in. It’s VERY concerning, end of life issues for my last remaining grandparent and its impact on everyone else and all of the related problems. By the gods, I have enough going on as is. I am worried about my mom and my grandma–deeply worried–but there is literally nothing I can do but pray and send Reiki. Literally.
I very much want to dive deeply into the world and all its magic, and I have no idea how to do that with what I have at present in my life.
I lament to my gods that I didn’t win the lottery in lieu of a full time job. I very much like the people I am working with and it takes the pressure off of me as far as finances go, but I am so worried on its impact on the operation, especially in regards to needing to know a month in advance when the end of this operation will be so I can take that week off.
Stress. Stress. More stress. I need to continue marinating in lavender.
Evening rite went okay, but noticed I still have more work to do. A lot more.
Morning rite went well, managed to of course wake up with the dawn.
Got my errands done then my noon rite.
Lammas ritual that evening. Lots of people. Very chaotic, loud. Not bad, just high volume. It bordered on being too much. I did have a good time however. I got to listen to my audiobook to and from there.
I’m trying to absorb as much as possible and try not to feel like life is all too fleeting.
Evening rite went well.
Morning rite went well, and afterwards I was up for the day. It got me to work earlier, so I got to leave earlier. Even better!
Noon prayer rite went well also.
I have a lot on my mind. The audiobook, a movie I saw recently…there’s some very interesting synchronicity going on, and I have a lot to ponder in regards to magic and manifestation.
Tonight I wound up doing for the second time a tarot-less reading. Apparently a prayer to Apollo was all that was needed, an intense burst of energy shot down onto the top of my head, straight through my body…shit was intense, I’m still high. It went on from there. If I had been wondering how the Abramelin has been affecting my psychic ability, I guess I don’t need to wonder or worry too much anymore.
Evening rite went well. Holy hell, I am still incredibly high and a bit dizzy.