Morning rite went well. I am STILL running a temp, not cool. I woke up a few times last night due to noises in my room. No idea where they were coming from nor what they were. First I figured it was the cats outside in the hall, but no…only found one of them and she was curled up by my door, guarding it as usual from Bad Evil Things(TM). Very, very strange.

I had a good time yesterday with some fellow Strega folk, and I told them about my week and what I had read in my friend’s LJ that seemed to indicate that subconsciously she knew her time was up. One of my friends said that she felt that my friend had a choice before this incarnation, a long life of mediocrity or a short but brilliant life. Something about that feels right. It seems like something she would do. She was a highly principled person who lived for her passions and never apologized for it.

Something else about this Abramelin working: it’s increasing the amount of attention I’m getting. I think most people think this is a good thing because inwardly they seek the approval of others and it makes them feel desirable. I know better; it makes me want to run away screaming as a result. It’s like everything I ever did to try to make myself invisible has gone away. If guys were treated the way women are on a regular basis they’d feel a lot differently about how much of a “compliment” they think it is. Met someone cool at the VegFest, a Freemason recently turned vegan about a year ago. Had a great conversation, and was utterly disinterested in having anything to do with me when he asked me whether or not I was single and I laughed and told him I was married to my work. Does anyone ever just want friends anymore? Anyhow.

Been reading more of the Marriage and Harmony book and was struck by this passage:

“‘With a god, you are always crying and laughing,’ we read in Sophocles’ Ajax. Life as mere vegetative protraction, glazed eyes looking out on the world, the certainty of being oneself without knowing what one is: such a life has no need of a god. It is the realm of the spontaneous atheism of the homme naturel.But when something undefined and powerful shakes mind and fiber and trembles the cage of our bones, when the person who only a moment before was dull and agnostic is suddenly rocked by laughter and homicidal frenzy, or by the pangs of love, or by the hallucination of form, or finds his face streaming with tears, then the Greek realizes he is not alone. Somebody else stands beside him, and that somebody is a god. He no longer has the calm clarity of a perception he had in his mediocre state of existence. Instead, that clarity has migrated into his divine companion. A sharp profile against the sky, the god is resplendent, while the person who evoked him is left confused and overwhelmed.”

Evening rite went well.